Britney Spears @ Xcel Energy Center 07.06.11

Here’s the sitch: Britney Spears’ show at the Xcel Energy Center last night was amazing.  Based on the reviews that are out there already, you’d think the fans that packed the arena (I mean, it looked packed to me) were subjected to 2 hours of torture and were better off listening to Femme Fatale on a high-quality stereo.  Like, no.

I also feel like by now, people should know what they’re gonna get out of going to a Britney show post head shaving incident.  No, she won’t sing live.  She doesn’t really dance anymore.  The few times she does speak, she will sound like a chipmunk on Adderall, acknowledge the city she’s performing in, and get back to business.  And I’m totally cool with that, because it’s Britney bitch.

So when Britney emerged from giant LED panels and opened the show with “Hold It Against Me,” I had a minor freak out and sent my iPhone flying to the concrete below, shattering the back glass.  I really didn’t care, because then the beat dropped and the room got sexy as Brit “sang” “Up and Down,” a standout bonus track from Femme Fatale.

There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the different sets or themes that provided visual stimulation – apparently the show was based on the premise that some Russian spy daddy who likes lollipops was chasing Britney around the world. Ok whatever, but what I really think happened was Team Britney was like “I really wanna see her werq a kimono,” which is exactly what happened during the show’s finale.  Ever want to see Britney do a whole ancient Egypt type thing?  Duh.  So that happened when a giant Egyptian slave boat appeared out of heavy smoke, the backup dancers rowing Pharaoh Britney as the start of  “Gimme More” elicited otherworldly screams from the audience.

Another highlight: Pulling up the most awkward looking boy on stage for a personal lap dance by Ms. Spears, complete with a stripper pole coming out of a drop top Mini Cooper, during “Lace and Leather.”  Things got a little more real as Britney jumped on a swing for “Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know.”  Naturally, I put my lighter up for that one.

And so, after running through more of the hits, including “I’m a Slave 4 U,” which featured the original choreography from the music video (I died), it was time for the finale.  Remember that Russian spy?  Britney like, snuffs the guy (in a pre-recorded video) and then we are transported to Japan for “Toxic.”  And then, the crowd lost it hard for “Till The World Ends.”  Britney emerged in a black sequined number that had glowing red lights embedded in it as sparks and lasers flew around the arena.  To seal the deal, Nicki Minaj actually came out on stage to spit her verse from the remix, which I’m pretty sure hasn’t happened at any other show on the tour yet, and which I’m pretty sure blew everyone’s mind.  Finally, for no apparent reason, giant Victoria Secret angel wings were attached to Britney’s flying platform.  There were more sparks, steam and confetti as Britney landed and thanked everyone for coming out.

So yeah, that may not be everyone’s thing.  But for the Britney fans that knew what to expect, it was the perfect Britney show.  Sorry for partying.  Leave Britney alone!

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